Counselling is a bit of a… heavy word for me to say out loud (or write down), but I’ve got plenty of thoughts I’d like to share about it. I started counselling 3 weeks ago and I’m now on my fourth session. To put it bluntly, I’ve kind of being going through a pretty wank time as of recent.
I made the decision to start counselling as I was really beginning to struggle just getting out of the house in the mornings. If you didn’t know I have PTSD, which you can read about here. In terms of symptoms, I can suffer with delusions, paranoia and hallucinations – those are the more severe symptoms. They are pretty rare, but I always know if I have an experience with any of the above, I need to get help.
In essence, me functioning as a human being has been put to the test. So I made the expensive but good decision to see a private psychotherapist and counsellor. Because quite frankly, I gave up on the NHS’s Mental Health system years ago.
I have no qualms about seeing a counsellor. I really couldn’t give a fuck what people think in regards to that. What frustrates/annoys me more is that something unfortunate happened to trigger it. Especially when I had so much good stuff going on in my life at the time. (urgh)
Right let’s keep this post relatively short.
I do genuinely think more people are open to talking about mental health these days than a few years ago, but I don’t necessarily mean that in the best way. I’ve found more (unaffected) people are acknowledging it as a ‘thing’, but it doesn’t mean they get it. Maybe they’ve read a blog, watched a video, but if they haven’t experienced it, they can’t really get it let’s be honest. The thing is, you don’t have to get mental health to be understanding, you just need to let us talk without judgement.
And what I mean by that is the simple things. Sometimes it’s ordering Deliveroo’s 3 nights in a row because you’re too upset to do anything and eating waffles all the time. (See below). Sometimes it’s not being able to get a blog post out one week. And sometimes it’s not being able to go to the gym.
I’m a mad perfectionist in life as well as work, and my biggest thing I’ve learnt is that you know what, maybe my body is telling me to chill out. After a few weeks of being barely able to do anything outside of work, I’ve started cooking again and I’m planning an evening Floristry course. (So cool)
And if you fancy reading a realistic mental health self care checklist, here you go. (It’s mine obvs)
Tbh it doesn’t really get you anywhere in life; with mental health it’s even worse. Being frustrated at my situation, feeling like I’d let myself down didn’t get me anywhere. Telling myself to ‘snap out of it’ didn’t help either. I mean it’s understandable don’t get me wrong, but I’ve learnt to just accept my situation rather than just pushing against it.
Going back to counselling is an expensive, necessary and good decision on my part. It’s helping me clear my head a little bit, so I can actually start moving forward with my life at the moment.