TW/CW: Depression, suicide, generally hard hitting stuff
So here’s the update, 80-90% of me I would class as mentally healthy. For me, this means I can function in everyday scenarios, feel emotions to the full and I am able to handle them. I am currently not on medication, however, I do have medication to help me deal with a particularly bad scenario if the need arises. But there’s nothing consistent about my medication.
A few years ago, I was diagnosed with depression and PTSD. What a barrel of laughs that was. I’m hoping you can detect the sarcasm. It was a particularly traumatic period of my life, one I still don’t like to think about in a way, because as you can imagine – it wasn’t pleasant. I even struggle to remember what happened really. To sum it up, most, well, bad things. Self-harm, hallucinations, paranoia, severe anxiety all played a part in it and I couldn’t do anything about it.
I was stuck physically in a situation I couldn’t leave. I mean yeah, I could have quit and moved universities, but that felt like giving up at the time. (*FYI I don’t think this now, you should do what you want and there’s no shame in quitting university etc.) So I stuck it out and made it through university with a 2.1 in English Literature, a whole heap of society/club experience, a (now ex) boyfriend and a whole heap of friends.
But the thing was, I looked like I was coping for the most part. I’d filled my life to the brim with stuff to do, people around me and kept it together. But I wasn’t really living my life, I was trying to distract myself from feeling anything. That’s best how I would describe it.
I was on a bit of Sertraline and another drug that I can’t remember the name of and they helped me so much. Finding the right medication is pretty damn important and can take time. The sooner I admitted there was a problem (which was far too late for me), the closer I could begin to getting healthy. I didn’t like being on medication. I openly disliked it not going to lie. It’s not nice accepting a problem that isn’t as easy to fix as a course of antibiotics.
These days I’m not on medication and you can learn more about that here in a nifty, vintage post of mine.
It’s really easy to shrug things off. But ultimately your mental health is equally as important as your physical. In fact, they directly influence each other. It’s not an easy thing to accept that you’re ill.
These days I’m pretty damn healthy.
I can try new things. I can meet new friends without panicking. I can give presentations and be quite authoritative. I know my worth and it feels so good!
How are you feeling mentally today?
You can find a load of posts on mental health here on my categories, but if you’re feeling lazy here’s a little recap: